England Takes One More Shot

We did not escape London without the Brits taking one more shot at the folks from Miami.  Our trip to Heathrow was great.  Our driver was a 22 year career driver formerly of the Royal Navy.  We exchanged war stories on the trip to the airport.  The driver told us he was really surprised to find out that we were Americans.  Our carry on bags were sent out to him before we exited the hotel.  He said our bags were too small and too light to be accompanied by someone from the US,  Normally a woman's bag would be large and heavy.  He couldn't tell the difference between our bags.  What he didn't know was that, in anticipation of Aer Lingus weight restrictions I had placed about 15 pounds of tech gear in my tech jacket with the 23 large pockets.

This is how you feel after an Aer Lingus flight

We arrived over two hours before our flight time.  Going through security was a breeze.  This would be the best part of our day.  The Brits have the next step geared for pure excitement.  You now sit in a lounge not knowing which end of a mile long airport you will need to be in when your flight takes off.  They post the gate assignment 30 minutes before your scheduled time.  Our flight was assigned to Gate 80.  The sign to our right indicated Gates 6 thru 9 and 75 thru 90 were down this hall.  We went down a ramp.  There was a small sign on our left that indicated this turn was for the Aer Lingus Gold Card holders and was by invitation only.  We continued straight ahead and came to an escalator.  At the top of the escalator was a woman at a desk with a sign that read "Flight Connections".  We asked the girl at the desk, "Is this the way to Aer Lingus Flight EI157 at Gate 80.  She answered Yes, Flight Connections.  A closer look at her may have given some indication that English was a second language and that the only three words she had managed so far were Yes, Flight and Connections.

What she didn't state and signs didn't indicate was that this was the exit from the seure area.  We walked down a long long hallway with not a soul in it.  There were a few other lost souls way behind us but we were basically on our on.  We found a floor cleaner who gave us an indication of our plight.  We would have to go back through security and find Gate 80 all in the next 20 minutes.  Our two hour cushion was now down to 1,200 seconds.

We raced down long hallways, took an elevator (lift) and ran to the security area nearest Gate 80.  The lines were long and snaked back and forth seemingly forever.  We made it to the desk where they scan your face.  Sue's hair was now in her eyes and they couldn't match her with her passport.  Several finger passes through her hair and finally they thought Sue was Sue.  We now sprinted down 9 more hallways, around three major roundabouts, across a bridge, over the river and through the woods before spotting Gate 80 with the sign that said the gate was closed.

This was just one more one more stab of British humor.  We still had 8 minutes to spare.  We were now to face the Aer Lingus luggage screening.  Aer Lingus thinks (listen up Lilies) a normal US suitcase is Air Cargo, a US roll aboard is checked luggage with penalties.  Our smaller, European standard bags were close to their limits but were yanked at the gate for check in.  We did dodge the 15 Euro baggage charge which would have cost us about $42 US.

On board the flight we found out that Aer Lingus is not in the business of air travel.  They are in the business of running a small retail outlet at 30,000 feet.  On our 50 minute flight the crew came down the aisle and asked if we would like something to drink.  Sue asked for a glass of water.  The flight attendant gave her a strange look and indicated Sue would get her water when she was through with this run of beverages.  Observation found that they sold everything.  Cokes were 2 Euros, a cup of coffee was 2.50 Euros and a shot of Jameson's Irish whiskey was 7 Euros.



We though they were joking when they gave the safety presentation.  "In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, please insert 5 Euros in your armrest slot and an oxygen mask will be deployed."  "Life vests may be had when exiting the craft for a mere ten Euros."

We saw our flight attendant once more when she made a run with ballcaps, tee shirts, key chains and paperbacks.  They also made a pitch for a whole array of duty free merchandise including booze, perfume and an Irish birth control product which turned out to be a picture of Margaret Thatcher.

Our driver met us at the airport and drove us in the direction of Dublin.  This too was to be not with out incident as it seems we arrived in the middle of their World Series.  Actually it is Hurling.  This is a sport played by amateurs that turns out to be their equivalent to our Super Bowl.  If I seem to be mixing my sports analogies this is only because the sport defies a direct comparison.  It seems to be a cross between football, hockey, croquet, soccer, baseball and a Teamsters union strike from the 1950's.  It involves a small leather ball and eleven men on each side with long flat sticks.  The objective seems to be to run with the ball when you can and then you whack the ball to the other end of a large almost square looking field.  There is a goal post for each side with a goalie guarded net beneath the goal.  If the ball is hit through the upper posts they get one point and a ball hit into the lower net gains three.

In Hurling you get 4 points if you break your opponent's knee

We watched the whole thing from our hotel bar where I was served my first Irish Guinness.  The game ended in a tie so everyone went home happy.  A playoff is now scheduled for September 30th.  This is the first tie in over 50 years..

My first general observtion of Ireland is that I was misinformed that they speak English here.  It is close but I understand about as much when they speak as I do at home listening to two Miamians talking the official language of our town, Spanish.